How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he visited? He keeps a log of each one.

How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack? Only one. After one present, it is no longer empty.

Who is the reindeer with the worst manners? Rude-olph

How to slav like an anime girl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g_MRPJXtaI

https://i.imgur.com/4LtF4ZT.jpg

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

https://i.imgur.com/aXjOqiM.jpg

Which weighs less; gasoline, butane, or water? It's clearly butane. That's lighter fluid.

And the Lord said unto john 'come forth and you will receive eternal life', but ohn came fifth, and won a toaster...

A can opener that doesn't work is now a can't opener.

My buddy is pretty good with math but he's terrified of negative numbers. He stops at nothing to avoid them.

I saw a robbery at the Apple Store does that make me an iWitness?

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I put my foot down.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since

Why couldn't the bicycle stand upright? It was two tired.

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.

My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in

Real programmers ... 1. don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

https://imgur.com/pPiUFOf

https://i.imgur.com/PtiPE5I.jpg

The man on the moon wanted to take a shit on the moon toilet, but it was full.