maybe they then become rebel heros but have to work against the things they themselves put into place (dunno)
following is an email log:
yesterday i played chess online with someone and related a lot of hard-to-express things about myself to them. i added them as a friend and invited them to a multi-day game.
[i appreciated that my issues playing were easier for me when playing with them.] tonight i went to find the conversation to preserve it because it was so hard to say.
i was logged out of my account for the first time in years. they were no longer listed as a friend, and i didn't find the game in my match history.
i tried to visit their profile page while logged out (in case they had blocked me) and it said the user did not exist.
looks like my lichess.org game history is now empty since october 27, despite playing yesterday, this would be why i didn't find it
one of the things i mentioned in the conversation that was lost was that, to handle having been hypnotized to always fail, and using lichess.org to practice in that situation,
i had found some success for a time using puzzles maybe because i didn't win against anyone when playing them,
but i think i said that i talked about this or something and that my bad part learned faster when i talked, and so it didn't work as well anymore
i mention this because i noticed my puzzle history is not missing, whereas my game history was wiped for a month,
which significantly impacts the digital record of these different impacts on my behavior (private puzzles vs games with other people)
i said something like that a hacker used my own computer to hypnotize me to always fail, and that i had discovered this might be a dissociative disorder
i also said i was on a road trip to my therapist
--- that's the end of the email log
------------ when working with the caring country, traffick boss was happily surprised to learn that people actually valued developing behaviors of kindness.
he had some abused mediators brought up from the dungeon and gave them jobs
it looks like the email log regarding lichess.org was mostly dissociative behavior on my part, i forgot i had two accounts, logged in with the other, and remembered the user wrong
sadly, now i did find the game (although at first i went to a different game, determined it was the one, and got frustrated that everything was wrong), it turns out that
lichess doesn't preserve chats for completed games, as far as i see :( oh well :)
